Unpacking

I hate packing
but I deteste unpacking

I cannot stay still
as my horizons keep tilting and shifting

I want to see,
I need to move,

As it is
I cannot commit to you.

Whenever I - do not stop

Whenever I get comfortable
I know I need to move
Whenever there's no challenge
I know I need to find one
Whenever I feel settled in
I know I need to leave
Whenever I have reached one point
I know I need to get to the next one
Whenever I look back
I know it's not enough

Whenever I fear for my life
I know I'm living just then.

If I were

If I were thinking clearly
all the pretty skin
would scream
I am, I am
I know what I am
and I definitely exist

Dance, laugh and lie to yourself

As the puppets, dancers in the dark,
glow in their unfading light of depression
The anonymous smiling faces with their heads empty and hollow
go on with their lives, similar to their heads

Laugh, smile, talk and love
be happy, they say, take time for yourself and live in the moment

As the darkness falls you'll hear us laughing
not happily, you fools, authentically
respecting the world's rules
that don't exist, you fools, it's all about chance
and you won't like your odds

Test why you exist in just 10 seconds

Walking that way, aren't ya?
Laughing at the same jokes, aren't ya?
Driving on the safe routes and eating at the same restaurant, aren't ya?
Taking selfies, adding mascara and lipgloss, curling hair and getting wasted with twenty-three friends every weekend, aren't ya?
Changing the subject when it gets too deep, aren't ya?

If you answered 'yes' to those questions
and your biggest problem in life is how your hair looks in photos
or if they've run out of your favourite dip in that diner you always go to

Then I'm sorry, but-
You can't count on this kind of test's results, idiot.

A lonely path

I know I'm doomed to walk
a lonely path
to weep over
mountains on the way of my trembling feet
to smile at
beautiful eyes
of my own success

I know I'm as full of dead cells as you
a lonely path
I know I'm not as full of working ones
mountains behind my bony fingers
to grab, would be the mission
beautiful eyes
the tree tops roof tops ocean tops

I know I'm not capable of swimming
a lonely path
to weep over
I know I laugh quieter than your working one
to smile at
beautiful eyes
would be the mission

A lonely path
beautiful eyes, mountain tops in oceans
a lonely path
between my bony thoughts and your
secure upright position
in front of your new car.

Ever

Ever
be your reflection written in my tears
of anxiety, fascination and confusion
the deepest of kinds
Ever
may the scent of the thought of you
focus my burning eyes on the incapability to breathe
as my lungs freeze when
Ever
set I my screaming irises on the idea of you
being what I haven't seen yet but
ever will
smell reflecting from your eyelashes of certainty and ice

There I was

There I was
wondering how to express myself in the way wanted
I wanted
to write like the names as big as this country
to shout my words' victory
to know to have created something exactly right

Still, there I was
not knowing how to write those words I so much desired to see
the world desired to read
in the end, I came to the realization that

Making my way

Going there
little by little I have made my way
and then, all of a sudden
all of the years' work explode
as a thousand fireworks inside my mind

Coming there
further and further I move
not slowly anymore

// Jo 200 runoa kirjoitettu tänä vuonna. What.

Desire

I desire,
I want,
I would like
have you ever heard a need there

I desire approval
I want success
I would like some dreams, please
have you ever thought bad of basic wishes

I want to make some dreams become my life
and I don't feel bad about shouting it out loud from the highest trees in my backyard

Make a wish

Make a wish, she whispered
Everybody knows they aren't fulfilled by shooting stars, he claimed
But it gives you hope, she said
Meaningless hope, he corrected

I wish wishes could come true by wishing, she heard him whisper in the dark, hours later
And the mother felt proud of her upbringing methods.

I listen to your stars

Hello, heaven
I've been watching you
standing on the highest mountain I could find
that is my dreams' dump pit

I've been meaning to ask you something
but I feel I won't have an answer
on second thoughts, I know I won't
so I just came here today to say hello

Perhaps to let you know this, too:
Whatever direction you have prepared for me to walk to
I will not take that path

So hello, heaven
I know I sound stupid
but I greet you because I know there's no one listening
except my own thoughts reflecting from all of the stars

I just keep imagining

I just keep imagining
my life-to-be
in a year it all turns around -
throws ice-cold water at me
and hits me with little stones, continuously
until I give up

Unless
I stand straight, hold my head up high
immerse myself in clichés and enjoy it shamefully

And simply do not give up

That's the path I walk daily, in my mind
I just keep imagining my life next year
it's only around the corner, but everything will change
country, language, people, home
will be en français

Before I step on the French autumn leaves
I need to walk this path
trying to figure out ways to avoid the ice

Arrhythmia

You think you have made it out of the woods
you let yourself believe you're good

'til your heart stops
and even your windows laugh at your naivety

that's called life
'til it's no more

12. Guess what

I have a writer's block.

1. I cannot write in Finnish.
2. I cannot write during the day.
3. I cannot find my kind of words.
4. I cannot make anything work.
5. I cannot keep the smells, moments, pictures in mind long enough to write about them.

Do you believe already?

...

GUESS WHAT

- You just wrote a text.
- Some have called a shopping list or a piece of news a poem before.
- This passes as a poem quite as well as those experimental pieces of art.
- The readers have just lost all their little faith in your writing skills.

1. Read the headline above.
2. Then the third part below.
3. I don't care.

And the classroom's lights shut down.

The sun sets in the West

Stuck in reverse, they say
How could you disagree when looking at this world
it can be seen in the littlest of things
lakes being forbidden of swimming
farmers suffering
the West smiling while sleeping

Blind to the fact we're the undeveloped ones
we don't see the world surrounding us
we only see the leaves of that tree,
water of that stream,
words of that writer-to-be producing us money

I wish the sun rose in the West

I fear our society

I fear losing the ability to write
due to excessive studying
too long nights of reading
and trying to remember everything, not to use my own rational thinking

I fear forgetting the pleasure of writing
due to giving in to society
in all its certainty of being right
this is what everybody has to do
for the rest of our lives we will obey

I fear letting my will go
dropping power and donating brain cells
for society's sake, imagine,
that is not an irrational fear after all

Aching sense

Exhausted, exploited sense
caused a headache
now I feel like screaming in the night
of cold war in my veins

Sensibility was buried weeks ago
if I get through this, maybe I can dig it up again
and hope it's still alive

With roses on her eyelids

Drifting, watching as the roses wither
their tempo catches on me
hair grows longer until it drops off
leaving my scalp freezing in its age

My forehead is drawn towards the grass
eyes can't take light anymore
the sun throws whispers onto my skin: now it's the time
to fall asleep with the roses

I Plead

The pressure, the wait, the moment
only seconds left 'til you're doomed
or an A student, if you change one letter
I just want to sigh and book tickets to anywhere
move on, experience, learn
not from the numerous textbooks but

The world, the youth, the time
left to be wasted
or used to discover, fall (in love), get up, be broken, heal
I just want to sigh and fly already